This is a challenge, but it's a case of practice makes perfect. "So you just need to focus on new people and what they have to offer, not how they stack up against your ex." "Generally after a relationship you're only thinking of the good things from the past relationship, and nobody can measure up to that," she said. But even if you think you've done everything right, you might find yourself comparing the new people you meet to your ex. If you have waited long enough to get back out there that your wounds are healed, and you're no longer full of resentment, that's great. "Whenever there's any kind of difficulty in a relationship, and a breakup is about to happen, I really think that people have to strategize for the first six months about how they're going to cope with this situation," Rhodes said. There are also organizations, like the One Love Foundation, that can offer advice for people in difficult situations. The best thing is to find support and share your story with people you trust, so you are as safe as possible. "And many victims are relieved they are no longer in this situation but do not realize the extent to which this person will try to gain control again." "The abuser sees this as a loss of control," she said. Rhodes said many domestic-violence victims minimize their risk during that time, because they think the worst is over. If the relationship was an abusive one, the time straight after the breakup is the most dangerous for the victim - and this continues for about a year. Sad young woman sitting on the window, watching out - stock photo "It really depends on the person, but I find it's just easier to unfriend or not make that person as accessible to you, because who has that self-discipline not to look? But if the option isn't there then you're not going to look." "Don't stalk your ex on social media," said Ettin. Essentially, you're just fueling your brain's need for this person, and you're prolonging the process of getting over them by social media stalking them. This is hard for your brain to deal with, so it will tempt you into "just checking in" on your ex. When you break up, suddenly you find yourself without the person who was always around. "Just because the constant notifications and reminders can really wreak havoc in your day to day." "I think Facebook and social media in general can really trigger anger and grief, so I'm a big fan of restricting access or just unfollowing people if it's a difficult breakup," said Rhodes, the psychologist. As hard as it might be, the most popular advice is to delete your ex, or at least make sure you can't access their profiles easily. Social media is more or less unavoidable, and your accounts may be littered with memories of your past relationship. People will always be looking to date, so you're not missing out on anyone if you don't re-download Hinge the next day. So take a deep breath and allow yourself to take that time. "Too few people take that time to actually get back to the equilibrium of who they are, to heal, or to figure out what they have to offer again, or what they like to do on their own." "You're not mourning a person's life, but you're mourning part of your own life that is now not there," Ettin said. If you jump back into the dating scene too soon, you haven't given yourself a chance to learn from the experience, or mourn the end of your relationship. "That's not something I would recommend, because you haven't given it any time to sink in." "A lot of people, the minute they break up with someone they are back out online again," said Erika Ettin, a dating coach and founder of dating site A Little Nudge. If you don't wait long enough before dating again, you'll probably be doing yourself a massive disservice. It's not just the relationship you left behind that takes time. Watch out for partners with maxed-out credit cards. Account icon An icon in the shape of a person's head and shoulders.
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